I asked my friend who is socially savvy: “How come you can make friends so easily when it takes me forever?”

My friend replied: “But David, you don’t talk to people.”

I said: “But if I talk to people I just get stuck in small talk—and I hate small talk”.

My friend took me under the wing in the weeks that followed. He taught me how I could connect with people. It worked. I was hooked. I wanted everything.

You know how socially savvy people make friends—and it just “happens”—without even a sprinkle of effort? That’s what my friend inspired me to do, and I set out to become really good at.

My friend helped me realize this:

Talking to someone is the best way to make friends.

But if you’re like me, your conversations didn’t lead to more than empty small talk or awkwardness rushing through your body.

You might have asked people questions but they didn’t give you enough information or went on forever about you. Perhaps you tried to talk about yourself, but they slowed down or started judging you.

Occasionally, you felt like you had an interesting conversation – but then they never got back to you.

Just thinking about it makes me tense up in my stomach.

My self-Blame and self-My hatred for being so bad at making connections made me want my pillow to sleep every night.

It’s time to move past advice that doesn’t work and learn to talk to people in a way that connects on a deep level. It’s time to learn how to talk to people and make friends with them.